HOW TO MAKE HIM GET MARRIED
Marriage may be declining in popularity, but it still hovers around as an unanswered question once a relationship gets serious. The problem is, says Denise Knowles, a counsellor with Relate, that it probably wasn't discussed at the outset. "So it
can come as a complete shock when one person brings it up, and the other person says, 'But we never talked about this!' or 'That's not what I want I thought you felt the same way!'
"Some people fight shy of marriage because they are the product of a broken home. They remember their pain as children and don't want to repeat this in adult life or to inflict similar pain on their own children. Couples need to explore the issues, and to discuss what marriage means. They need to understand where each of them is coming from, rather than insisting, 'This is what I want'."
As Phillip Hodson, Fellow of the British Association For Counselling And Psychotherapy, says, you can't force someone to make a commitment to you. "A relationship is an alliance and there can't be compulsion in an alliance." Rather than making demands, have a radical re-think. Why is marriage so important to you? Can you live without it? If not, what are you going to do about it? Hodson says, "It's the crux of all counselling therapy you can't change other people except by changing yourself and your own behaviour."
A little low cunning doesn't go amiss, however. Abandon direct confrontation and watch resistance crumble. "With men," says Hodson, "the most obvious flattery tends to work. They are, if you like, praise-seeking missiles."
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